Enjoy the journey

Something I have ALWAYS struggled with is loving me for me. It is easy to look at other people and feel like they are better than you, prettier than you, and that life is better for them. And ya if you have that mind set then it is probably true.
How can we learn to love ourselves? When I went on my mission I gained 50 pounds... I am sure it was a mixture of my body retaining so much water and all of the delicious southern cooking I got to enjoy but body image was important to me and I could barely stand to live with my self because I felt so huge and ugly. I really thought that when people saw me that was all they saw and I didn't even want to leave my house. I was determined to get the weight off because I thought that would bring me happiness. So I cut everything out of my diet except vegetables, fruit, and protein. And I exercised like a crazy person until I lost all of the weight that I had gained.
I felt so accomplished but what I was surprised about was that I still didn't feel pretty and I still didn't feel happy with my self and my body image. And guess what?? People still loved me exactly the same. It did not matter to them how much I weighed and I guess if it did then they really weren't someone important to me. God just wants us to love ourself. The people who love themselves are the people that are truly beautiful. Because they know their self worth is measured by so much more than the outward appearance. It is a process of self discovery and being completely honest with ourselves to over come our weaknesses and develop our strengths.
Now I just had a baby and I have to do all that work again, and yes I still struggle with my body image and being able to feel beautiful but I have learned a lot over the past two years about self discovery.
We do need to exercise and eat right in order to live a long healthy life. That is important. But, as long as we are trying our best that is all God expects of us. Our looks do not and never will define us. It is our souls that make us beautiful people. Our souls make us truly shine and attract people to us. I could be the prettiest person in the world but if I have an ugly soul then it doesn't matter.
God blessed me with a loving husband, a beautiful baby girl, a wonderful family, a job I love, the chance to go to school to earn my degree, a house to live in that's close to family, and a wonderful life. I am so much more than a girl with brown hair, green eyes, and size 7 feet. We are our worst critics. It would do us well to look in the mirror and see all of the amazing things we are capable of. No matter what every person is beautiful in their own way. We have to learn to love ourselves or it will be a miserable life. When we love ourselves and forget about our problems for a minute we can love others. When we stop judging our selves we won't be so judgemental to others. When we can love ourself then we can truly begin to love life and that is the only way to experience true happiness. 

Blessing Day

Sunday was such a special day for us to be able to bless Rylee May. She looked so beautiful in her blessing dress.  Before we went to church she was in such a cuddly mood, so I just laid on the couch for an hour enjoying her snuggles. Baby snuggles are by far the best thing in this world.

Brandon gave Rylee a beautiful blessing and we had so much support from our family. She is one loved little girl.

 It was so hot outside afterwards when we had our dinner. I was grateful for some shade because otherwise it would have been miserable. The kids had the right idea to play Life in the baby's room where it was cooler.

 

 

 It is still sort of a surreal feeling being a mom. I just want to give her the world. Today Rylee and I went on a road trip to Logan to visit my best friend Marlee Sue :) It was so fun to get to see her, I wish she lived closer!! You know that you will be friends forever when you can go months without seeing each other and it is like you never missed a beat.

 

 As I lay on the couch writing this I have a husband doing the dishes for me and a sleeping baby laying by my side. I am so blessed. I don't think life gets much better than this. 

The Engagement

When Brandon and I first started talking he was working for Bingham County as a cop. It was Christmas break and I was home from Salt lake for the semester break. Brandon had to work the night of Christmas day and I was leaving the next morning, so when he got off work at 7 A.M. he came to my house and took me to breakfast. It was our first date and I never wanted it to end. I had to go back to Utah so that weekend he drove up to see me and we went to build a bear. 

 

 

 

This is our puppy Oakley. We still have her in our house. When we were making the dog the build a bear worker told us we had to give the heart a kiss before we could put it in her and sew her up so we did then she said OK great! now.. kiss each other!! I turned a million shades dark red I was so embarrassed. I just kept saying on no this is only our second date. She kept being persistent, the story would probably be better if I could say that's when we had our first kiss, but we didn't.  

 

 

We went to temple square afterwards and walked around. It was the best date. Being with Brandon was so fun, we didn't want to say goodbye so I went home that weekend again with him just so that we could be together for another day. His schedule as a cop was 5 days working 5 days off. On his five days off he would come to Utah and stay with my Grandma and we would be together and then on his weekends he didn't have off I would drive home to see him in Blackfoot. Needless to say my schooling pretty much went to crap that semester. I think it was worth it.

 



 

Since we were spending so much time together it did not take me long to figure out that he was the one I wanted to be with forever. I prayed a lot to make sure this was the course that Heavenly Father had planned for my life, I wanted to be sure that it was right. My dad gave me a fathers blessing and told me that this was the path Heavenly Father would have picked for me, I felt so much peace. It is amazing to me how God shapes our lives. Just 6 months earlier I had to come home from my mission early for health problems. I felt so bitter because I could not understand why I had to go through that. Now when I look back I can see that God's plan was much bigger than mine. It brought me much more happiness than I could have imagined.

Well we went ring shopping! That was fun I found a few I liked but nothing we had decided on so we went again a few weeks later then we decided to go to dinner at the cheesecake factory at the city creek mall. We were walking through temple square on our way to dinner and all of a sudden I saw my family holding up signs.

 

 

I was so surprised because I had no idea that he already had the ring since we had spent that whole day ring shopping. Then I realized what was happening. Brandon got down on one knee and said some stuff that I don't really remember because I was too excited that I was actually getting engaged!!

 

 

And of course I said YES!! That was basically the best day.

Rylee May Martin

A little over a year ago I thought my life was the best it could ever be when I married Brandon. He made me so happy and I was so grateful to my Heavenly Father for sending him to me. I know that it is cliché to say but I really believe that we were soul mates. Being in love with Brandon makes my life complete.

 

We found out three months later that SURPRISE we were pregnant. I feel embarrassed to admit this now but I actually thought that in 9 months when our little baby was born my life would be OVER.... I was not ready to have a kid, there was still so much I wanted to do... I can not believe I ever thought that. 

 Rylee May Marin was born on June 23 at 6:00 P.M. She weighed 7 pounds 9 ounces and the very minute I got to hold her I loved her more than I thought was possible.

She has a signature look of being grumpy. It is so cute. We love to snuggle and I find my self just spending hours staring at her when I should be getting so much other things done. Time just kind of stood still for a few weeks and I spent every minute loving my baby girl. She is growing too fast. she is already one month old. She usually sleeps from 10:30 to 6 ish, she will just stare at me when I hold her, she pulls her hair all the time and screams and screams but won't let go, and she loves to lay on the floor and kick her legs and move her arms as fast as she can. Now my life really is so full of love and I am the happiest I have ever been.

 

 

Oh and life is most definitely not over. I would say that it is just beginning.